August 1, 2013

• Dreaming for Others

  One night towards the end of March 2010 before we’d even started the adoption process I was lying in bed and I won’t go into a long explanation on the whys but I just had this strong feeling that something important was happening on that very night. I couldn’t explain it, but it stayed in my mind quite strong. After we started the adoption process I thought back to that night and wondered if maybe that was the night when our little one in Ethiopia was born. Not too long after being in the process, I was on a conference call with our agency, and they were talking about a big group of children that was moving from the Southern region into our transition home. Again I had this strong feeling that one of those from the Southern region was ours. Six months later a good friend of mine 4 months ahead of us in the waiting got a referral for a little boy. She told me that he was born in March 2010 and was from the Southern region. I was thrilled for her, but at the same time I couldn’t help but feel a little sad and think…. “she got my dream.”

  In May 2012, as I’ve talked about before we tried very hard to adopt a 10 year boy off the waiting child list. We bought him some toys and clothes and cleaned out drawers for him in Camden’s room and got VERY excited. And then our social worker said no. This same beautiful little boy came home this summer to a wonderful set of parents and siblings and a swimming pool and a golf cart and cousins and baseball. I am completely excited for all of them but again there’s this tiny part of me that says….”they got my dream.”

  Two weeks ago I had this vivid dream. Our adoption agency called and said, “We have a little girl in your age range, but we are giving you the choice on rather or not you want to receive her referral because she is malnourished and very tiny.” Without a thought we said, “Yes! We want her!” Then my dream moved to me holding her in our room trying very hard to make her serious little face break into a smile or a laugh. I woke up with my heart aching for her. I typed out an email to our agency asking them to please call us if it’s our turn for a referral and a little, tiny malnourished girl comes available. Don’t call a family open to special needs I typed – call me! However, reading it back to myself, I thought it sounded completely crazy, so I deleted it. Then, very recently, a friend of mine received her long awaited referral. In shock I read that when they called her they told her, “She is in your age range but she is very malnourished and tiny so we are giving you a choice.” And for a third time, I’m beside myself with excitement for her while simultaneously thinking….”SERIOUSLY?! she got my dream.”

  I tried to ignore it. I tried not to think back to the other times this has happened. But this morning it was there pounding away at the back of my heart.
  “Your dreams are being stolen. Your dreams won’t ever be yours. You’re not good enough. You will be waiting forever.”

  Why God? Why must I dream for other people?

  And God whispered back, “Why not?”

  Blake looked at me across the table at lunch and said, “The dream is for orphans to find families, not for us to find an orphan.”

  So tonight, in the midst of a dull ache, I’m feeling honored that I dream of orphans that are not my own. That in my heart and in my sleep I fall in love with little ones that I will never hold. I am privileged to see precious ones created by God find a place in homes with mommies and daddies that love them.

  I think of people in the Bible that did the same:
  Abraham who had the promise of being the father of nations but it was his grandson Jacob who fathered the 12 tribes of Israel.
  Moses who was asked to lead the Israelites into the Promise Land, but never saw it himself.
  David who had a dream of building a new temple, but Solomon his son was given the honor.

  I think of the dreams I am realizing of others
  Like our pastor in Brownsville who was told by God his ministry would reach Guatemala and then told us WE were how he was reaching.
  Like my dad who was called to be a missionary in college, yet it is I who actually got to go.

  We are the body of Christ. We share in suffering and we share in victories. Our inheritance is the lost and it belongs to us all. It doesn’t matter who does what because all of the honor and reward belongs to Jesus anyway. It is reward enough to have our tiny roles whatever they are and whenever they come.

  But God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him and He loves to give good gifts to His children. Rejoice with the realization of your dreams…even when you see them realized in other people. But at the same time hope in this: He is faithful TO YOU! YOU are priceless to Him. You will see God’s hand in YOUR life. You will see His pleasure through His gifts TO YOU. You will know His faithfulness throughout YOUR journey.

  Keep dreaming. Keep rejoicing. Keep trusting.

  “I will proclaim the Lord’s decree: He said to me, “You are my son; today I have become your father. Ask me,
  and I will make the nations your inheritance, the ends of the earth your possession.” Psalms 2:7-8

  • 7:37 pm
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