We have started a journey!! We are adopting from Ethiopia!! A lot of things just fell together in our minds and spirits in the past few weeks and we just had this feeling of destiny as we began to research. It is strong and certain. I have so much going on in my heart that I knew I really needed to write it down. I want to document the path that has brought me this far personally, and will continue to bring us closer to our baby in Africa.

 Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

 The summers I was fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen, I worked as a teen evangelist to children in my area along with a group of other teenagers. We worked among all classes and races of children. My favorite, by far, were the poor, African American children. Oh how they tugged at my heart. It still brings tears to my eyes to think about hugging them and loving them and telling them about Jesus. I had the single most unforgettable moment of my life the summer I was seventeen. My team and I, along with our adult supervisor, were at a park get together set up by the African American churches of a neighboring town. They had invited all the “white” churches to the event and their purpose was unity, breaking down walls, and coming together in the name of Jesus. We were the only white people there. That’s a little heart wrenching isn’t it? They were all having a blast despite the fact that none of their invited guests showed up. Towards the end, a man got up to speak. All of the chairs were filled and our group was standing beside one of the sections of chairs. It was terribly hot. Beside me there was a little boy, probably two years old. He was standing up, but he was bent over with his arms and head were resting on the chair in front of him. He kept falling asleep and his legs would buckle under and he would fall to the floor. That would wake him up, and he would pull himself back up to a standing position and rest his head on the chair again. I glanced around wondering where his parents might be, but no one seemed to be paying him any attention. After the third time I saw him fall to the ground, I kneeled down picked him up and sat down with him in the chair. He snuggled his sweaty little head on my shoulder, sighed, and fell asleep. In that moment it was just me, that precious little boy, and God. With his dark little arms resting on mine, everything else just sort of faded away. I sat there with my heart wide open. That’s the best way I can explain it. I knew God was telling me that this is what my life was about, and I gave to Him all my dreams and plans, and told Him I was His. Really, really His.

 Matthew 6:33

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

I think it was working with these beautiful, dark skinned children and especially the story above that has given me a feeling of “defense” on behalf of the African and African American people. I come from East Texas. Racism, although not shown in a way of hatred, is still alive and well. I abhor it. Especially when I catch a glimpse of it in my own heart. I watched a documentary on the poorest area of Tennessee about three years ago. They were all African American. I wept through the whole program. I wondered if it was just because it reminded me of the children I had met as a teenager, but I knew in my heart that it somehow had more to do with my future than my past.

 James 1:27

“Religion that God accepts as pure and faultless is this; to look after orphans and widows in their distress.”

 I have had two dreams this past year that I have rescued a tiny girl from an evil man. She was not dark skinned, but I definitely feel connected to this child in my spirit. I believe God has called me to be her rescuer. I don’t know if there is a specific girl out there somewhere that looks just like the little girl in my dream or if the dream just represents my call to adoption…my call to rescue.

 Proverbs 24:11&12  (The Message)

“Rescue the perishing; don’t hesitate to step in and help. If you say, “Hey, that’s none of my business,” will that get you off the hook? Someone is watching you closely, you know— Someone not impressed with weak excuses.”

 When we moved here to Brownsville I was elated that we were finally in ministry. God did it!! And not only were we in ministry, but we were at the border of Mexico. Mexico is my heart as well. Hispanic people and culture have been my calling since I was thirteen and just look where we ended up! God is AMAZING!!  One of my first Sundays here God spoke to me. He said, “Don’t think this is it! I have more for you. Don’t stop searching for what I have for you. There is more!” In May I went to a women’s conference. I received a prophetic word that God wanted more from me. The lady giving me the word told me that when I felt peace and knew what I was supposed to do that I needed to go for it right then, and not let what others say or my own fear or insecurity stop me.

 Isaiah 41:10

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

 Several months ago I started wanting another baby. I started considering, if I WAS to have another baby, if I would want to have my own or if I would want us to adopt. I finally decided I would rather have my own. It is cheaper and besides, Blake and I make beautiful children! My own would be mine from day one. I wouldn’t miss a day of their babyhood. If I had my own, I might get a little girl that looked like me. Not that I think I am amazingly beautiful, but it would just be kind of cool to have a dark haired, dark eyed child that was obviously mine. Like Hope is obviously Blake’s. But that dream passed, and I never felt certain it was what I wanted, anyway. Then, in July, I was praying with a group of our youth girls. We were praying that God would give us something to speak to each other. A word from Him. One of the girls said that she had a vision of me. She said, I saw you come into church and you had a baby wrapped in a blanket. I ran over to you and asked you if I could see it. You pulled the blanket away and it was a Bible.” We all giggled a little, and tried to guess what it meant. Yesterday I got chills when I remembered that word from Jackie who by the way is a beautiful…adopted….black girl. A coincidence?… my heart shouted, “Not a chance.”

 Deuteronomy 10:17-19

“For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing.”

 I ran across a blog a couple of weeks ago about a single woman who went to African and adopted a bunch of teenagers. She wrote about the times that she comes to the States and has people come to her and say, “Oh, I would love to do what you do.” Then they get back into their fancy cars with their name brand clothes and drive back to their gorgeously decorated houses with rooms they barely even use. It convicted me. I do that. I SAY that adoption is so awesome, and that I have a heart for the nations, and that photographs of orphans make me cry. But what do I do about it? I send a $38 check every month to a compassion child that in all honesty I rarely think about much less pray and intercede for. It sickens me to admit it, but its true.

 Psalms 68:6

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families.”

 Friday I clicked on a link on Facebook telling of a fundraiser to help a family that is raising support to adopt a baby from Ethiopia. That lead to hours of searching over the weekend for other blogs, you tube videos, and adoption stories of those adopting from Ethiopia. I cried. And I was stirred. And I started REALLY thinking that we could do this. I mean we really can’t financially. But I REALLY believe that God can provide. And that He will if what I believe to be true is true. That He wants us to rescue an orphan from another country. I know we will be asked, “Why go out of the country? There are so many orphans here.” But my heart HAS always been for the nations. Its just taken thirty years to be become serious about ACTING on that call. My favorite verse as a teenager comes back to me:

 Isaiah 55:5

 “Surely you will summon nations you know not, and nations that do not know you will hasten to you, because of the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, for He has endowed you with splendor.”

 I listened to a specialist online talk about the negative aspects of international adoption. She talked about how it was wrong to take these children out of their countries and how instead we should be supporting their governments to offer better social services for families. Maybe she is right, I thought. God spoke to me immdiately. He said, “No she is not, right. My plan is that these orphans find families. Families that know Me. My plan is that all children hear the gospel and are taught AND shown My love. Adoption is my idea. I did it first. I adopted you.

 Ephesians 1:5 &6

“In love He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will – to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One he loves.”

 I was in the car with the kids so I began to share with them what was stirring in my heart. I talked to them for a while, and they talked to me about what they thought of the idea. After a bit I asked them if they had a choice would they rather adopt a little girl or a little boy. Hope said, “I think a girl because girls are so pretty when they are brown.” I hadn’t said anything about a child that was brown. That made my heart smile.

 John 14:18

“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”

 Not to long ago a friend from church posted a facebook status that said that God was calling a generation of young adults to the ministry of adoption. I say yes and amen and God choose us! We are willing. Guide us and provide the funds. Your supplies are limitless. Life is short. Our lives are our book. I want it to be an amazing story written by the heart of God! Where our treasure is there our heart will be also. My heart is often materialistic. I think I need different treasure. I need God’s treasure. I believe my heart, Blake’s heart, and the hearts of my children will be tied closer to the heart of God if we treasure what He treasures. And He treasures the forgotten, the fatherless, the lonely. He treasures children.

 Matthew 18:16&17

“But Jesus called the children to Him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.”

 

 

We are having a relaxed weekend here at the Davis home. And oh how we have needed this! I am sitting on my couch right now listening to music and the dishwasher running, and my house is mostly clean, and I don’t have to be anywhere or even do anything until around 4 when I start on dinner. A family from church is coming over for hamburgers tonight. I am blissfully happy at the moment. We had a fun week, as well. Besides the (more than occasional) sibling bickering, we had a really good school week. Our youth life group was on Wednesday night and for our breakout share time I have had the seventh and eighth graders the past two weeks. Surprising to myself, I have really enjoyed them! I have been kind of sold-out to the highschoolers since we started working with the youth, but I think the younger ones have wriggled their way into my heart now, as well. I can just picture their expressions in my mind. So full of excitement mixed in with a little hesitation and a little more self-consciousness. I remember middle school – its like waking up and seeing the world and yourself completely different. Do you remember that?

                              

    

Well my children have not reached middle school, yet. And I am glad They are still in the stage of puppy dogs and imagination and play and getting dirty. Just a couple of weeks ago I taught Camden about subjects and verbs. To start out the lesson I asked him, “Camden, have you ever heard of a subject and a verb?” He scrunched up one side of his face and asked, “Isn’t that like a male and a female?” Ahhh glorious childhood! Everyday there’s a story to tell Blake when he gets home. Just when we think we’ve heard it all…

        
      
        
I have had some new things stirring in my heart the past couple of weeks. Things that are impossible in the natural. It makes me almost desperate to know the source of these new thoughts. Did they come from the Do-er of the Impossible? Or are they just from my “too much thinking” (most of the time) over-romanticized brain. How dreamy ideas seem in our imagination! Remember what you THOUGHT motherhood would look like? haha..Almost funny now isn’t it?  After almost thirty years, I’ve learned that reality is not near as delightful or as easy as I was so certain that it would be. It is raw and humbling and often frustrating. It seems beneficial that I have learned this, but then I think about this little thing that God says pleases Him….child-like faith. Faith that hasn’t been bulldozed by reality. And so I hold on to my new dreams….just in case. 

         

                          

I tend to visit the land of insecurity often. I really hate it there. The worst part is that its like the sand pit on a golf course. It is REALLY hard to get out of once I plop myself there. So why do I end up there time after time after time?  I know why. It has to do with where I have put my confidence.

I looked up the definition:
Confidence – Full Trust

Has my full-trust been in myself? In my ability to be everyone’s favorite? In my place as Mr. Always Amazing’s wife? Or  Mr. and Miss Perfect Children’s mother? Because “news flash” those are dangerous areas to place my full trust.

Psalms 71:5
 For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth.

When I am in the land of insecurity I get this question alot, “Are you tired?” I need a T-shirt to wear when I am vacationing in Insecurity Island that says, “No, I’m not tired. I am hiding behind Christina- built walls licking my wounds so leave me alone.”

Hebrews 10:35
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.

I hide behind these walls and peek around the corner expecting for a stone to hit me on the forehead at any minute. And you know what I have realized, if I wait for a stone, I’m going to get a stone. Actually it might just be a piece of sand the wind swept up, but in the land of insecurity a grain of sand feels like a stone hurled at my wounded heart. Old wounds that were healing nicely open back up in the land of insecurity making me vulnerable to all sorts of astonishing abilities. Abilities such as taking words and “looks” completely out of context, making assumptions about what others are thinking, and immersing myself in sad, belittling thoughts about my future…my destiny and calling. What a slap in the face to the confidence that is ours through Jesus Christ.

Hebrews 13;6
So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”

God called me back into confidence this morning. This morning, as I was thanking Him for good health, and for His Word. He called me back into confidence. Confidence: full trust….in Him. He helped me pry my mind off myself. Like when my daughter gets a tiny scratch and she wails and sobs and begs for band aids, Neosporin, and ice cream to make it better; He showed me the smallness of my wounds compared to who He is inside of me. How huge His love is for me. How much I can do if I look for a way to bless others rather than working at how I can best protect myself from needing another ego-band aid. He picked me up out of the sand-pit and put me back on the green. And my heart is happy again.

Hebrews 10:19-23
Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, ²⁰by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, ²¹and since we have a great priest over the house of God, ²²let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. ²³Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

I remember sitting on my couch one afternoon in Ft. Worth while my kids were resting in their rooms. I was praying that God would put us in the next place He had for us. A place that I could be ministering alongside my husband. A place where Blake could live out what was in his heart. A place where we would feel at home, and safe to come out of our comfort zone. I remember God speaking to me and telling me that He was bringing that about for us, but for now I needed to enjoy where we were. “This is a place of peace for you and your children,” was what I heard from Him that afternoon. I felt urged to enjoy the lack of things to do, places to go, and people to see. This was good for my small children to spend the first years of their lives in a very calm and consistent way of life. It was bonding for us as a family. It WAS peaceful.

  

Its clear, now, that God saw my future and He knew what He was talking about! I can’t believe we are the same family sometimes. Most of the time I am giddy with happiness over our new life here, but there are times when I get overwhelmed. When I want to escape from everything and everyone and go back to a life of nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no one to see. I have been bouncing back and forth from that place for the past couple of weeks. I am tired. I am also dry…  I’ve been too tired and emotional to search for God. And I know with all of my heart He is wanting to be found by me.

 

I hear Him whispering to me. Telling me to take deeper breaths, to remember that my heart is safe with Him, to love people even though it might hurt sometimes, to listen to my children laugh until I laugh too, to pick up Blake’s shoes all over the house without grumbling, to eat healthier and drink less coke because it will help my energy, but mostly….He’s just reminding me He’s close by. So I say to Him tonight that I know He is close by, and that knowing that is what keeps me going sometimes. I am so grateful that He knows that I don’t have it all together. And that He is willing to work with me. How could I go a day without searching for Him with my whole heart? I act foolishly. I am convicted. But the incredible thing about conviction…true Holy Spirit conviction…is that its still all about God wanting me. And that literally brings me to my knees. When I’ve come to the end of myself once again, and kneel before Him and apologize for not searching for Him sooner….He still wants me.

Here are some pictures I took this past week. I wanted to test out my blue house as a background, and Hope, my live-in model, was happy to help me out.

My grandparents visited us for a few days. One evening we took them sightseeing and then out to the island. I had on make-up AND had my hair fixed that evening so I had Blake take some pictures of me out on the pier where we had dinner because I wanted to prove to myself that it was possible to have some pictures of myself that didn’t frighten me senseless. 

 

 

                             
                            
One more picture. This is from Camden’s birthday party. Aren’t they stinkin’ adorable?!

             

I had soooooo much fun photographing these two today! There was a lot of laughing. I love them. They are both dancers and they wanted some ballet pictures taken. It was terribly, terribly hot, I was chased by a giant bee, and both girls took several painful crash and roll landings off the hay bales but we pressed on. We are strong women.

   

          

I LOVE how Renee’s hair stands out in this next picture. Doesn’t she have beautiful hair? I know I’m a little biased since I have a red-head of my own   And I love Anna’s expression in her picture. Almost Mona Lisa. Is she smiling? What is she thinking?

  

 

           

           

         
  
And I do think the next picture is my most favorite picture I have ever taken. Thank you Renee!

                                  
         
Thank you Anna and Renee for being so creative today. And remember you promised to let me take your bridal pictures!!

 Psalms 16:5-8&11

“Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.”

  

“I will praise the Lord who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”

           

“You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”

            

                                     

Courtney and Janson go to church with us. Courtney is a senior and Janson is a sixth grader. I have been looking forward to photographing these two because…well..because they are both beautiful. 

                          

Courtney sings well. Very well. She is quiet. At least I think she is. Maybe she will surprise me, though, and I’ll find out I was wrong.

 

        
        

       

Janson is a people person. His comments on facebook make me laugh out loud. I can’t wait until he is in youth .

          

     

                      
         
I love this family! Thank you for letting me take pictures of half of you. I’m hoping next time will be a family shoot!

I got a lump in my throat making his birthday cupcakes this evening. Strawberry cupcakes with cream cheese icing. It was just so grown up. He didn’t ask for superman or Bob the Builder or a cake with soccer balls on it. He wanted strawberry cupcakes with the white icing. Because they taste “better than heaven” (his exact words).

 

I was twenty years old when I found out I was going to have a baby. I had spent the past 10 months having a blast with my new husband, but with this nagging worry that I couldn’t get away from. You see, I knew that having had three years of chemotherapy and Blake having had several months of radiation that there was a chance that we might not be able to get pregnant. I knew I wanted to be a Mommy. I wanted to be a Mommy every day of my life since I was six. So after just 10 months of marriage, with both of us still in Bible school, I asked my husband to let me get off birth control. I didn’t want to take the chance of artificial hormones adding to any problems we might have when we got ready to start trying for a baby. He nonchalantly agreed. I stopped the pill and….we were pregnant the next month. He is our miracle.

Just days after I found out I was pregnant I began having problems. After blood tests and ultra sounds they found the issue. I was told that there was a 50% chance that I would be able to “stay pregnant.” It was a difficult few months. Lots of tears. Lots of fear. Lots of growing in my heart and growing in our marriage.  Half way through the pregnancy, the issue cleared up and I found out I was going to have a healthy little boy. He is our miracle.

The miracle started before Camden, though. The miracle started when my parents were told that their two year old little girl had only a 50% chance to survive.  And God carried me through.
The miracle started when a nasty tumor entwined itself into Blake’s neck. And God moved it and carried him through.
The miracle started when I listened to that boy in my youth group play his guitar and worship Jesus and my heart fell hard.

Love is a miracle. Every day is a miracle. Too many miracles to count. Miracles that go back way past Blake and I..to generations before us. My God is faithful, and He is loving, and He is merciful. It is my testimony…all these miracles. And every year on my little miracle boy’s birthday I am reminded of them all and I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

          

Happy Birthday Camden Bailey

 We are starting up our homeschool year next week. The past two days we have been doing a little school so that we can take off next Tuesday for Camden’s birthday and go to Schlitterbahn. I am doing things a little different this year. Using curriculum that will be more involved for me, but I believe it will be much more beneficial to Camden. He is not a worksheet learner. He is not a write your spelling words a zillion times learner. That kind of stuff makes his brain space out, followed by me pulling my hair out, followed by him feeling frustrated and discouraged, followed by me feeling guilty and like a failure. So although worksheets seem like a good, easy idea they have not been an ally around here. So today we did the first lesson of our new grammar. We started out sitting on the couch talking about organization and long term and short term goals. I showed him some examples and then gave him a spiral and told him to write down his own long term goals and short term goals. Afterward, he read them to me. I reminded him to add a couple of periods and he corrected the mis-spelled words. This was his kind of thing!  We talked. He likes to talk. He got to write down what was in HIS head. It was like a project. And the boy loves projects!! Plus in the process I learned more about him. He had my attention and was able to talk to me about what was going on in his brain.  He was happy – He used his own ideas to learn. I was happy – he now knows about goals and the difference between long term and short term. He learned the spelling of new words. He practiced putting his thoughts down on paper. He practiced writing complete sentences.  It was a good half hour for both of us. Thank you Jesus!

Camden’s long-term goals.
1. Know lots about Science.
2. Be good at gymnastics.
3. Make weapons. ()

Camden’s short-term goals.
1. Ride his bike every day.
2. Do lots of school.
3. Do sports.
4. Drink a quart of water a day. ( )
5. Read library books.

Can’t wait to see what Hope writes down when she gets to this next year…that is if we don’t stick to worksheets with her. She learns like me – worksheets are our friend.

I remember being at the mall with my mom, sister, and brother just days after I turned six and having this really exciting thought: “I have to hold up two hands to show how old I am now!” I held up six fingers and studied them as I followed my mom around in the store.

Now I have a six year old little girl.    

                               

My Destiny Hope was born sweet. To me she was intoxicatingly sweet. That is not a word according to my computer but it fits so I’m keeping it. I couldn’t begin to count the times I would just look at her and think there was no other little girl as adorable as she. This past year, however, she grew out of some of that angelic-ness. (also not a word) Suddenly she is putting her hand on her hip, rolling her eyes, determined to wear her Christmas dress in August and Disney princess to church… all to spite me it seems sometimes. I remember when everyone would ask me, “Does Hope talk?” I don’t think I have been asked that since we left Ft. Worth 14 months ago. She has truly “come out of her shell’ since moving here. I miss my baby girl sometimes, but at the same time I am proud of her. Two weeks ago she went bungee jumping. Its a mini-version of the real thing, but still sickeningly high. This is something that her brother nor her parents would ever do. She loved it. And she was mine and Blake’s hero for doing it.
          

                     

  

She is bolder than me, and I am glad. She is braver than me, and that will serve her well. She loves to dance, to sing, and to dance some more. She reads two years ahead of her age and picks up Math so fast that it makes me jealous. She says the most hilarious, off the wall things. I love just asking her questions and waiting to hear what will come out of her mouth! Most of the time she is in her own little world and doesn’t care too much about what’s going on around her or what the plan is (unlike her brother…or mother) She is very independent, but at the same time wants someone in the room with her at all times. Heaven forbid she have to finish her breakfast in the kitchen by herself!

Her hair is still not growing, but the rest of her has almost caught up with Camden. She has freckles now to add to her lovely dimples and her eyes have turned to an almost gray color. Three of her six year old molars have come in which she is not satisfied with because she wants loose teeth like Camden. She had her first crush on a boy this year. He is ten and is very sweet to her. We had to tell her that she is not allowed to hug or hang on him. That was an interesting conversation…she cried, Blake had preliminary symptoms of a nervous breakdown. I tried not to giggle.

(this is Hope telling us how she felt when she jumped and Camden listening)

I can’t imagine a grown up Hope. I thought I had her figured out a year and a half ago… but she threw me for a bit of a loop.  This could very well be what life with Hope will be like. Maybe my job isn’t to have her figured out, though. One thing I know is that I will trust God. He knows exactly who she is. He has a plan for her, and has placed all kinds of greatness inside of her. I know the enemy has a plan too, and like the rest of us, she has the potential of using her God given gifts, talents, and strengths in a way that is destructive. That is where Blake and I come in. And boy does it take patience and wisdom and perseverance! But I’m beside myself with gratitude that its me that gets to be her mommy. August 7, 2004 was MY special day too. Happy Birthday Destiny Hope!!