So we started a “giveaway” (sort of like a raffle) fundraiser on our facebook today. It will last two weeks. We sent it out as an event because we wanted everyone to get it as a email notification and not just happen to see it if they were on today and saw it  as a status. I didn’t think about it when we decided to do it this way, but facebook events give you the option of clicking on yes, no, or maybe. Well people have started clicking on these yes, no, and maybe buttons. I am guessing that means – yes we will donate, maybe we will donate, or no we will not donate.

Now in doing this fundraiser, we knew that it could be a terrible flop. We have honestly prayed, “Lord let us at least get enough to cover the prize we are giving away at the end. The economy is bad, a good portion of our facebook friends are more like acquaintances, and the lists of people, ministries, good causes you can give to is enormous. But it was worth a shot! If nothing else we are raising awareness for orphans.

But something about seeing all of the faces of people who clicked “no”  just sort of bruised my heart. I was prepared for very little response, for people to read it and not give it another thought, and I was honestly 100% okay with that. But to actually click “no” ughh.. It feels like a statement against us -  publicly saying, “No, we will not be donating.” My heart has taken it personally. And I keep having this thought, “I really hate fund raising. I really, really hate it. You hear me whining right God? I really hate this.”

And I feel God say, “Good.” Life isn’t supposed to be easy. Life isn’t supposed to always be fun. Building character is painful. Dying to self is humbling. Making a choice on how I will respond when I feel wounded is very telling about where and who my heart belongs to. So I embrace this part of the process. I stare my insecurity in the face and say to my soul, “I am not my own, I was bought at an extremely costly price.” I will surrender to the work God is doing to rid me of my sinful nature.” And worship, worship, worship.

PS – My mind knows that most if not all of the “no” responses were not personal. This battle is one within my own heart and has nothing to do with anyone else.

 

I have a great dislike for dogs.  A joke in my family is to tell me I’m getting a dog for Christmas, or my birthday. Since having children the joke has changed to, “I got the kids a dog for Christmas.” Blake and I have had more than a few “discussions” about why we are or are not going to get a dog. My list of why not has always been much longer that his list of why we should, so I have been lucky so far. My daughter Hope loves dogs. LOVES dogs. I don’t think I’ve ever met a child that likes dogs so much. She has wanted one very badly. Part of me started feeling a tiny bit guilty for not being willing to even consider getting one. Well this past Saturday we came home from our getaway trip to find that a stray dog and her five puppies had decided to take up residence under our storage building. The puppies were absolutely the cutest things! I knew we had to keep one. We brought all five puppies in and bathed them and sprayed them to get rid of their fleas. In the past four days we have gotten rid of all but the puppy we chose to be ours. So without further delay we would like to introduce:  

                     Bella Davis

I love her. I honestly cannot figure out why. I mean yeah she is so stinkin cute, but so are all puppies and I’ve never wanted to take one home before. I had this thought that maybe its because she is mine. Or maybe because I just have this feeling that God meant Bella to be a Davis. I cannot believe that I am saying that about a dog… 

Here she is taking a  nap on me. so sweet.

Today we took the last of the other puppies to the animal shelter. I left one puppy with the mama dog to keep her happy, but Mama was finally picked up today so I was free to drop the last one off. Once we left him at the front, we decided to go to the back and see all the rest of the dogs in the shelter. I had no idea how sad that would be. I do not want to ever go back, that is for sure. Cage after cage of sad dogs. Many of them were shaking and whimpering looking up at us with hauntingly pitiful expressions. They had a bed and water and food, but they were so very sad looking. By the time we had looked at each one, I honestly wanted to cry. My stomach was aching. We got back into the car, and I just had to sit there for a minute and process. As the kids were getting our Bella out of her carrier and hugging her with relief that she would not be shaking in one of those cages, I heard God speak to my heart.

“Christina, think how I feel as I ‘walk’ the halls of the orphanages all over this world every day.”

And my breath stopped for a minute. Baby after baby, child after child, preteens and teenagers. They have food, water, and a bed. But they are scared, sad, heart broken. If a dog could become shaken and sad enough to sit and cry, because it has no one to love him, how much more devastated must a child feel? A child with a soul and a spirit.

So we will love our Bella, but more importantly, we will keep praying and raising money to bring home our Ethiopian baby Davis, and when he gets here we will hug and kiss and nurture and play and love the sadness right out of him because he is so very precious.

        

          

We got home from our trip to find that we had puppies under our storage shed. A stray dog had found our backyard her chosen spot for her little family. As we were getting ready for bed tonight Blake said, “Do you realize that we never had any stray animals show up at our house until we started this adoption process? And since then we’ve had two stray dogs come and hang out here….one who even brought her puppies.”

Maybe that is just one more confirmation. That God is making our home a safe place, a haven.

 
  

 I have such a passion right now to see the church of American (myself included) get crazy for God. To get sick and tired of the American Dream. To dare to have a wild adventure with their Savior. I want us to be each others cheerleaders in this amazing abundant life Jesus Christ paid for with His life. Stop throwing our culture’s selfish excuses and thought processes at your brothers and sisters and even more so – at yourself!

1 Corinthians 2:9
 ”No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him”

Do you love Him? Do you? More than anything? Then listen to His voice and wait…wait….wait. And He will speak. And it will be a wild and crazy thing He says to you – NO MIND CAN CONCEIVE IT! Read all of 1 Corinthians 2. Its talking about you! Its talking about hearing the Spirit of God now! Its talking about being taught by the Spirit of God! Its really good stuff. This abundant life thing is incredible.

The enemy threw out a heck of a lie, and we swallowed it hook, line, and sinker. He has told us that surrendering ourselves completely to the plan of God for our lives, is the scary place. Only a few are really brave enough to do it. But God is showing me, sinking His truth into me…  renewing my mind with the truth that NOT surrendering completely to God is the scary place The mindset of our culture, the lies of the enemy, the emptiness of the world slowly, slowly creeps in until we are just a shell. Unfulfilled, discontent, narcissistic. How many times have I found myself in that exact place….again? And I can always follow it back to the root of not surrendering. Fear of listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit. Fear of my rights and pleasures taken away by God and replaced with torturous things like self denial, poorness, denim jumpers,  no makeup, and possibly being burnt to a stake in the end times.

Yet when I crawl my way back to the throne of God, throw myself at His feet, and cry for Him to speak to me again….I remember

Psalms 18:33
“He makes me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights.”

 

Something about being in His presence rescues your every thought  from the grasp of the enemy and you are certain with every fiber of Your being that no one, no one, no one loves you like He does.

And when you are secure in that:

1 John 4:18
 ”perfect love casts out fear.”

Fear falls away and just love and the willingness to surrender remain. Surrender is beautiful and chain-breaking and holy and so much safer than running.

 

 So stop running. Make your way back to His feet and His love. You won’t regret it.

                            

  Blake and I left town yesterday….alone. It is only for two nights, but we are both so excited. This is my gift from Blake for my anniversary (Dec 16), Christmas, and birthday (Jan 11).  Its a big year this year. Ten years of marriage and thirty years of life. This is the first trip we have taken alone together since our honeymoon. Blake found us a great deal on our hotel, but besides that we came with no plans. There isn’t parking at the hotel, and the valet parking cost $29.00. For this one income, ministry salary, trying to raise 30K dollars to adopt, couple – $29 (a day!)for parking is just hard to swallow. But God showed us favor. He put a parking garage a block from the hotel that lets you park for $9 a night. (The hotel website said the closest parking garage was 4 blocks away) Either they lied or God planted a miracle parking garage for us (and the hundreds of other cars parked there We felt a tad funny walking around downtown at 10pm with our hanging clothes and suitcases, but it well worth 20 extra bucks in our pocket! We walked into the hotel and it was really swanky. It was low lit and a had a lot of red furniture. I expected women in short dresses, and men in expensive sports jackets to be lounging around drinking champagne and flirting. But that wasn’t the case. There was just Blake and I and a tired looking guy with a gallon of milk. After receiving our key, we got in the elevator, and Blake said, “I feel like a young married couple.” And I said, “Not me, I feel very mature.” I think that I was comparing the trip so far, to our honeymoon. Our honeymoon when we were 18 and 19 and taking our first trip together….ok taking our first trip with anyone besides our parents.
Feeling in love, but nervous.  Last night I felt in love but confident.

-Confident that even if we made a mistake, we could fix it. Because we’ve made a lot of mistakes over the past 10 years, and nothing’s ruined us yet.
-Confident that I really am in love. Because now that I am thirty and we’ve been married 10 years, no one tells me anymore that I’m too young to know.
-Confident that we will have a lot of fun and a lot to talk about. Because after 10 years, we are still best friends, and our lives are crazy full of wonderful people and exciting upcoming adventures.
-Confident that if we argue, we’ll get over it in 10 minutes. Because after 10 years I know that we both hate being mad at each other.
-Confident that God is going to refresh us. Because after 10 years I still know without a shadow of a doubt that God wants us together for His glory and His purpose, and He is so good to strengthen our relationship when we ask that of Him, and even sometimes when we forget to ask.

He’s still sleeping. I knew I would be awake first. Its one of the things I was looking forward to. This hour or so of quiet. Quiet because I’m not talking, mind you

Our room is nice. Definitely the nicest room I have ever stayed in. Here is Blake after 8 hours of work and 5 hours of driving, sitting in the leather chair looking serious and mature

                                      

  I was asleep on the couch tonight and I was having this dream. I was in a big cathedral up in a balcony with a group of holy women. They were dressed as nuns. I was watching, but I wasn’t really there. There was another man in the room.(he looked like Denzel Washington) Everyone knew he was in the room and all were vaguely curious at how he would respond to their ceremony. A man stood before the nuns and told them that because of the service, time, and worship that they had given, they would be rewarded. He lead them out of their seats, and down the aisles a ways to lines of small Golden Statues of Mary. It was obvious that the women had anticipated this very thing and they began to speak out into words their excitement and empty their pockets of money, throwing it down in front of them on the ground. And then an eery presence came into the room and the golden Mary statues grew several inches. The women began to screamed in excitement. They knew this would happen if they worshiped hard enough. And their praises grew louder and they emptied their pockets of every last penny and jewel and again the statues grew. I was chilled in my spirit at the evil presence I felt both times the statue grew and wondered how these holy women of the church could not sense it as well? I looked at the man standing by watching and knew that he felt what I felt. I watched him as he shook his head and said quietly, “Not my thing” and turned and began going down the steps. Down the stairs was a simple church with no crucifixes, or statues, and he walked up to the front of the church. He stood in silence and looked up at the ceiling. Then he emptied his pockets at his feet, and said in a voice of pure surrender, “All for You.”

And then Blake woke me up and asked if I was coming to bed.

I felt a little afraid when I realize that I still sensed the evil that I felt when the statues grew, yet at the same time I sensed the holiness of God that I felt as I watched the man surrender everything to God alone. I realized that the golden Marys had nothing to do with Catholicism and everything to do with what we as Christians worship….throw our money at, our time, what we value as treasured and important, and then scream in excitement when we see those things grow in our life…. We see the treasures of the world multiply in front of us, and we think its due to our own power. When in reality, these things are golden images that are very, very much apart of the world of darkness. They tear us away from being where we really need to be….in simple surrender to the only true God. The Great I Am who was, and is, and is to come.

It was a warning, an exhortation, an invitation….as I begin this new year of 2011. The Lord speaks,

“Worship Me and Me alone.”
“Surrender to Me and to Me alone.”
“See the treasures of this world for what they are.”
“Be very, very careful.”
“Worship Me and Me alone.”

  
  

 

This morning I am pondering faith. I am thinking about how great men and women of the Bible  would have explained themselves in their day:

 

1.     Noah building an ark when it had never before rained. (Think of the time and money he’s wasting)

2.     Abraham leaving the country where he was successful and respected, to go….”Well I’m not really sure yet.” (How unbelievable ridiculous)

3.     Moses going back to the country where he was wanted for murder for the purpose of leading the Hebrews out of slavery. (Yeah, right, Moses – I’m sure Pharoh’s gonna agree with that plan)

4.     David  who was young and strong going out to face a giant in battle. (You have your whole life in front of you – why on earth would you take a chance like that)

5.     John the Baptist roaming the wilderness eating locusts and wild honey and declaring the coming of our Savior. (Really, John, is that necessary? Could you not just train to be a Pharisee like other respected Jewish leaders.)

6.     The Prophets – have you read about them recently? Its just ludicrous in the view of “common sense” what these guys did all for one reason and one reason alone: obedience to the voice of God.

 

 

Are all Christians called to be radical?

 

Hebrews 11:6 (KJV)“But without faith [it is] impossible to please [him]: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and [that] he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

 

1 John 2:15-17 (KJV) 15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 17 And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.

^{Matthew 6:19-21 (NIV) 19} “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

 

 

Now, I believe God gave us common sense for good reason, and we should use it on a daily basis! I also believe, however, that God has a plan for every one of His children to live beyond common sense…..and that life, is a life of faith. Common sense Christianity says, “Go to church and try to behave yourself, and be decent to people.” Radical Christianity says, “God dwells inside of me. I am His temple. I AM the body of Christ. I will daily take up my cross and follow Him. He is my King and I am His obedient servant. I will love people as He loves them – with my life. Everything I have and everything I am belongs to Him.”  We think that we have a choice in which Christianity we will live. I live like I think that, a lot of the time. But do we really? Does God only call a chosen few to live radically?  Or does God call us all to be radical? Does He call just some to be on fire – some to be hot and for the rest of us He is perfectly happy for us to be…..hmmm….lukewarm?

 

A radical Christian will never be able to explain him or herself to a Christian who has not made his or her own decision to live radically. For a radical Christian “because God said so” is all the explanation needed. I have a sin issue: I want to be on both sides of the fence. I want to live radically, but I want everyone to approve of my life at the same time.  I want to have intelligent, convincing comebacks for any and all arguments. But that fact is: all the arguments of common sense make perfect sense. It is Blake and I that are “crazy”. It is Blake and I that live at times like we have no common sense. Now, my challenge is, that I need to be okay with looking foolish. I need to decide what He is worth to me.

 

 

I am encouraged this morning as I remember we are not the first ones to do something that does not make any sense, and we will not be the last ones. I am praying that the time is coming in America that more of the church starts living radically. That we as God’s body become more driven to listening for and obeying the voice of God than we are to pursuing “the American dream.” I am filled with gratitude, in this moment, as I re-focus on Christ. I am grateful to be walking a journey of faith. I remind myself how fulfilling it is to hear the voice of God speak to my spirit, to know the peace that comes through obedience, and to sense the presence of God come near when I cry out for Him to lift me above my doubts. There is nothing like stepping beyond what makes sense and seeing God make an impossible road smooth, and in the end…..beautiful and rewarding. THIS is the abundant life He promises His children. It has nothing to do with granite counter tops, leather interior in your car, or vacations to beautiful destinations. The abundant life is about living in this world while at the same time having the power, anointing, and passion of a completely different existence: an eternal life with an eternal God.

 

 

                       

 

 

 My soul is stirred tonight. I feel the presence of my Lord moving within me. I listened to a good friend tonight talk about the decision she made to say yes to something that God laid on her heart. It was something that did not makes sense in the natural, yet everything within her spirit told her that it was the right thing to do. I told her how very excited that made me. This is what Christianity is. It is making a decision to live by God’s standards and not the world’s. Its a decision to be okay with being thought of as a little crazy by everyone else if it means that God knows that your heart is His and His alone.

A friend of mine just got a steam cleaner for her tile floors. She raved to me about it and told me that I really needed to get one. I told Blake about it on the way here yesterday.  Then I sat there and thought about how really great it would be if I were to get one. I greatly dislike mopping my tile floors. My whole downstairs is tile floor, and I am always sweaty and breathing hard afterward because its such hard work. I dread it every week. It would be so nice, especially after our baby is here, to be able to eliminate that chore. I didn’t pray for it, but God knew my thoughts anyway. This morning my mother-in-law said, “Have you ever seen those steam tile floor cleaners?” “Yes,” I answered. She said, “Well I just got a free one, but I already have one so I put the new one in there by your bed for you to take home.” I am grateful to my mother-in-law, and my heart fell a little more in love with my God. It was as if He embraced me and said, “See, daughter? See how special you are to me?”

Tonight as I was brushing my teeth I was pondering the amount of time I spend thinking about our Ethiopian baby. I have times when I get sad that not a word is said about our adoption unless Blake or I bring it up. I compare it to when I was pregnant and find myself frustrated that there is not as much excitement from others on this road we’ve chosen. I had this specific thought, “Maybe I just think about it too much. No one else thinks about it this much.” And then I heard God interrupt my conversation with myself and say, “I do.”  I remember for the third time today….He is who my heart belongs to. There is none before Him in my life. He has called me to something that was on His mind first. He loves this little guy we are adoption more than I can even imagine, and He is beside Himself with excitement that this baby is going to have a family that will love him as their own. So as I turn the lamp off tonight, my heart holds tightly to my little one in Ethiopia, and even tighter to my loving God.

We are awaiting our finalized home study to come in the mail. We asked our social worker to send it to my parents house since we will be here in East Texas for the next several days. I will be SOOOOO glad to get it in my hands!! Once we have it, we are sending in applications for a grant, a matching grant, and a no-interest adoption loan. If we get all of those (which would be a HUGE answer to prayer) it should pay for all the final expenses (around $19,000) which includes: the last half of our international program fee, our two trips to Ethiopia, the follow up home study visits and finalizing the adoption here in the U.S. All we would have to raise, of this amount, would be the money to match the matching grant. It will take 3-4 months before we find out whether or not we will receive these grants and loan.

    

For now, however, we have to raise the money to send our paperwork to Ethiopia. We have about $5800 more to raise. We are having a garage sale on the 15th of January which will hopefully put us at the $5,000 mark. The remaining $5,000……only God knows where that will come from. We are thinking of using facebook to advertise a drawing for a gift card. To everyone who donates, buys coffee, or a tshirt in between January 3 and January 21 their name will be put in a bowl, once for ever $10 they give ,and then we’ll draw a name for the gift card.

We are estimating and hoping that we will be ready to send in our paperwork by the first week of February. That gives us just over a month for the money to come in. This is taking a leap of faith writing this for anyone to see, but Blake and I both feel like the time is NOW. We believe that there is little one out there that is ready for us to be his mommy and daddy. We believe and are trusting that God is going to provide for us. That our last step of getting permission from homeland security will go smoothly, and that when our paperwork is done we will have every penny we need to write a check for $7200 to go with it. Hold on baby – we are coming!!  We hope and pray that you will be with us next year when we travel back home for Christmas. God sees you and He is working tirelessly on your behalf.

 

“For in You the orphan finds mercy.” Hosea 14:3
 

     

PS The paperwork process has cost us approximately $6,000 and we have had everything we’ve needed each time something is due.
            
                      

 

    I am reading a story to the kids about a little boy who helps his Grandpa train hunting dogs. In the chapter we read a few days ago, they were in the woods with the dogs releasing quail and allowing the dogs to “spot” them. When one of the dogs discovered one, he would freeze, put up his nose, and lean his body towards where they quail was located. They called it: point. As soon as the dog would do this, the other dog would stop as well, put up his nose, and lean his body in the same direction. They called this: honoring the point. One of the dogs was experienced and the other dog was just learning. Half of the time the learning dog would “point” incorrectly. Though the experienced dog was never wrong when it was his turn to point, he would always honor the point the learning dog made even if it was wrong. The boy finally asked, “Grandpa why does Buck always honor the point even when he knows its wrong.” And Grandpa replied, “Because Buck wants the pup to honor HIS point when its his turn.”

I got that quiet stirring in my soul when I read that line. The feeling that God was speaking directly to me in that sentence. About my marriage, about honor, about humility. Blake and I are different. In alot of ways we are opposites. Our adoption process has highlighted those differences. I am intense. I want to get things done yesterday. I want to follow all the guidelines and rules. Read all the required reading material word for word and then read some more. I want to stomp into offices and demand they get the information sent that we need  – LIKE YESTERDAY!! (Ok, to be honest I want Blake to do that last thing

Blake is relaxed. He’s a lover not a fighter. He would skip any parts of the required reading that #1 mention anything that we’ve read somewhere else already, #2 apply to anything other than what we will specifically be experiencing. He has the thought process that if some part of our process is being held up, that God will work out the issue in His perfect timing. He calls it trusting God. But when I am all riled up, and living in the intense way that I tend to live….when I start depending completely on ME, and seeing life and those I love through my eyes, I call it something else. Something judgmental.

That’s where I was that morning as I was reading to the kids and through that story…

God whispered, “Honor. Honor. Honor. Honor where he is. Honor who he is. Honor the team that the two of you make because it was My plan. Honor that he balances your self-reliance. Honor that although he doesn’t get crazy excited and intense, he is never swayed. He doesn’t doubt this journey. He doesn’t doubt his calling. He doesn’t doubt that I am advocating for you and for the orphan. And I heard the Lord say in a stern voice that I know I deserved, “He honors YOUR point.”  And it is true. Blake doesn’t judge my heart. He doesn’t label me in unkind terms even in his thoughts. I know that because of the respectful way he treats me. I know that because I know how I treat him when I have labeled him in my mind.

I repented. Turned back to follow the path of honor. I honor his point even when I wish he was “more like me”  because he honors my point time after time after time….even when I am wrong. And I honor him, because to honor him, is to honor God.

  Our fund raising thermometer is inching its way up. Very exciting. Very blessed!