February 21, 2011

• A Quiet Life

  I remember getting a stomach ache on the Sunday nights we had business meetings at church. Sitting as a girl beside my parents and as a teenager in the youth section, I remember feeling embarrassed, uncomfortable, and at times disgusted. After graduating from high school I changed denominations and began to do a lot of studying on my own of what I had been taught and had seen growing up in church. One of the things I studied was women in ministry because I felt confident that God had called me to the ministry. And I didn’t think this call was just to be a minister’s wife!  I didn’t want to be a pastor, but I wanted to know what God thought about women in all roles of ministry. As I read verses such as:

  1. I do not permit a woman to teach men or to have authority over them; she must be silent. 1 Timothy 2:12

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  2. Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says.  If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church. 1 Corinthians 14:34&35

  I began to ask myself what I thought the heart of the Lord was saying in these verses.

   A couple of years ago, Blake lead worship as a guest worship leader for two weeks at a church in Ft. Worth.  On one of those weeks, the pastor got up and told the church that he had sensed the Lord telling him to ask a woman in the church to share with the congregation some things she had walked through and learned over the past couple of years. He said, “Mrs. “I don’t remember her name” will stand and speak to you under the covering of me, her pastor, and under the covering and approval of her husband.” Her message and testimony were amazing and I will never forget it. I compare that experience with the experiences of church business meeting growing up…where our pastor would get up and share his vision with the church only to have person after person stand up in the congregation and challenge him with their own “off the top of their heads” arguments, and often said with little respect. I recall numerous times a man would stand up and give his opinion only to be challenged or disagreed with by another man’s wife…right there in front of everyone. Even as a young girl my spirit was grieved, and I was ashamed to consider that God was watching it all take place.

  A few months ago Blake and I were with three other couples having dinner and just spending some time talking. The conversation veered towards something that I have a very strong opinion about, and as we began to settle in on that topic I could feel my heart rate start to speed up and sense that I was beginning to struggle to maintain my “inside voice.” We were not arguing in the least, but we did have some different viewpoints. Three times (at least) I was quick to add my passionate viewpoint to the conversation, when all of a sudden my brain flashbacked to those Sunday night business meetings. It was if Jesus stood before me and held out His hand and said, “Give it here, Christina. Yes, that, – those strong opinions you have there. That desire you have to speak for me that has taken over your brain and mouth. No! Uh uh! – don’t hold on to it – give it here.”
  So, reluctantly I handed it over and closed my mouth. A couple of times after that I really wanted to open it again.  “GASP?! Didn’t you hear that, God?” You REALLY need me to say something now… don’t you?!! But nope, He must not have needed me. He told me to keep it shut. To honor the position of leadership that was present in that room.

  I remember our music pastor’s wife in the before mentioned church telling about a talk she had with the Lord when she found out she was going to become a pastor’s wife. She said she asked God for a verse..a motto that would be her’s from God as she stepped into her new roll. This is the verse the Lord gave her:

  “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you” 1 Thessalonians 4:11

  I loved that then, and I love it now. I wish I could say I had perfected these things: leading a quiet life, minding my own business, and working with my hands. Just like everything else, however,  its a journey I am having to walk out; praying daily that God continues to hold on to my passionate opinions, and not let me have them back until He’s ready to speak through me.

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