December 3, 2012
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Gooooo Guatemala!
My brain is on overload right now with all that we are trying to do to be ready to leave Brownsville in 4 weeks. But I designated a time to blog today because I want to capture in writing some of the things that God has been doing in our circumstances and in my heart.
On leaving our church and city.
I love change. I crave change. Leaving is not hard for me like it is for many people. This morning, however, I was thinking of friends that I have made here that have been true, supportive, would go to battle for me friends. Friends that saw me for exactly who I am and decided they were cool with me. They spoke truth to me when I needed to hear it, but somehow in a way that I never felt condemned. They didn’t knit pick me or put expectations on me. They laughed at my awkward humor and tolerated my more than occasional un-pastor wifely commentary. They were my mentors and my sisters and my encouragers. And I will miss them more than I want to admit to myself. But because they changed me, invested in me, and opened up their own hearts and lives to me – I carry a part of each of them with me. Anything good I am privileged to do in Guatemala I do with the deposits they made in my spiritual and emotional DNA.
On fundraising.
I started out despising it. There are 2 major realities right now: #1 the economy is bad #2 there are 100,000 other worthy people and causes also fundraising. But God has done a MAJOR overhaul on my attitude. He continues to work on me sometimes hour by hour. There have been some hard times like things we were expecting from our church falling through, and unexpected, expensive car repairs, and spending useless money to get our house put on the MLS. I have had moments that disappointment weighed on my heart like a ton of mud. Yes, mud. It was more blobby than bricky. But it was through all of this that I was forced to realize that we were sunk. There was no way we were going to Guatemala without a miracle. A big one. One morning I wailed to God, “What are we going to do? What if none of our church contacts or family or friends supports us?” And God quickly responded to my anxiety and whispered, “Even if no one you know helps you – it is okay. Because I know everybody.” A thrill rushed my spirit as I considered how true that was! Sure enough our biggest supporter so far has been a couple that we have never even met. God is our networker. In whom shall I fear?
Another thing that God showed me is that fundraising is a part of our calling. Our calling to Guatemala is not just about Guatemala. It is not as though, if we go to Guatemala the country is saved, and if we don’t go God is going to be in this big quandary. This whole thing is also about our hearts. And the way that we are having to learn to trust, depend, listen, obey, and long for the voice of God is a mega part of God’s plan in all of this. 
On Guatemala.
I have always wrestled with fear. It’s been a problem. Since our visit to Guatemala in August, there has been a volcano eruption, a destructive earthquake with many fatalities, a missionary and her family robbed at gunpoint, and a missionary shot several times and still in critical condition the last time I checked. Add that to the different violent acts in US embassies throughout the world, and I have good reason to see my fear problem go a little bezerk. But that has not been the case. The best I can explain is that God has been growing boldness inside of me. I feel braver, stronger, and more confident than I have ever felt in my life. I want to be all up in Guatemala’s business without fear holding me back. I want to hold the sick, and hug the dirty, and love on the desolate. I want to be worried about people more than I am worried about myself. I want my life to be a song of living-sacrifice worship, not a sad tune of self-perseverance and promotion. I want to become Guatemalan and feel foreign when I come to the US on furlough. I want to stand up on my roof with pompoms and shout “GOOOOOO Guatemala!”
Closing.
Please continue to pray for us. We have seen that when we ask for prayer, things turn for the better almost immediately. Our number one request right now is for our house to sell. My dad called me today and told me that a few days ago when he was praying for us, he felt like God showed him that Satan was having a little party with our house so he started interceding. Looking back that was probably the same day we realized that our house has not even been on the correct MLS. Realtors have not even been seeing it. So this week we are meeting with a realtor, believing that it will be a worth-while investment! Our hope and prayer is to have our house sold by the day we leave Brownsville on December 30th. Would you agree with us on that? Secondly would you join with us and pray for the handful of churches that we are still waiting to respond to us on whether or not they would be willing to support us? Lastly, Wednesday evening we have a meeting with ten families in our church that we are asking to support us. Would you pray for God to be all over, in, under, and around this meeting? Thank you so very much for taking the time to pray for us. It means more than we can say. It WILL make a difference.
Goooooo Guatemala!
