October 14, 2012
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Confronting Offense….Or not
Is there anyone out there like me – that when you get offended, misunderstood, treated unfairly, or just plain hurt you find yourself having scenario conversations in your head about what you would say if you confronted your offender?
I do.
God has helped me a lot with my tendency to be easily offended. I am learning to give people more grace, and to forgive quickly. Yet I still find myself with this HUGE (annoying) desire to let the person know the pain they caused me when I get hurt. But one thing I have learned is that when I DO decide to confront a situation, I rarely leave that conversation feeling any better. And often I feel worse.
God talked to my heart about that this week. He asked me,
“When you go to a person that has offended you, and you share your heart with them – what is the response that you are looking for?”
I started thinking about a couple of recent situations, as well as situations from the past, and realized that when it came right down to it, I more often than not, could not come up with a response that I DID want from the other person.
I felt like God showed me that wanting to confront someone that hurts me is *usually* just a scheme of the enemy to keep me from moving on. If I continue to entertain the possibility of confronting the person, then I will remain in that place of having these incessant scenario conversations in my head.
The Bible DOES talk about in Matthew 18 that you can confront a person that sins against you, but there are many, many, many more scriptures about offering grace, mercy, and limitless forgiveness.
So I’m making a deal with myself. No more scenario conversations. But instead one conversation with God: Do I confront the person? And I will ask Him that knowing that 9 times out of 10 (at least) the answer will be “no”.
I want to be strong. Strong in grace. Strong in mercy. Strong in love. It is OKAY to be misunderstood sometimes. It is not the end of the world to be treated unfairly. Experiences where we are hurt or offended give us the opportunity to draw near to God and have Him comfort us. We do not have to defend ourselves. We do not have to advocate for ourselves. We do not have to waste our time and thoughts on figuring out how to make things right for ourselves. God is more than able to defend us in His way and in His timing. He has called us to a life of love and grace. And if we stay near to Him, He will teach us how to do it.
“A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”
Proverbs 19:11
Comments (8)
this is one of those posts that leaves me thinking whoa. in a good way.
i wish that this could be a real life discussion round the table with friends and mugs of coffee in our hands. partly because i love discussions. 
and this is surely a good rubber-meets-the-road one for me. and also because i have an unbelievable laundry pile today…how can i write a little of what’s in my head about this and still complete the tasks at hand???! 
i’m in a james Bible study right now. and james is all about LIVING IT. gulp. and MERCY triumphs. blink. we tend to want to offer cordiality to the one we’ve belittled/or have been belittled by and call it even!!! but we are not called to offer cordiality alone. they will know that we are Christians by our …cordiality? NOT. but by our…LOVE. which IS…errr should be
…my motive check for confrontation. i know that for me my scenario conversations (yes! i have them too!) are often my efforts to control. if i this? then that. and that? then this. but it’s a pseudo-power only. a distraction from going TO HIM. and my own voice drowns out The One who i really NEED to hear.
i feel like i rambled all over here…maybe because i did! ha. but as long as my comment is…it’s still the short version of what i’m thinking. lol. and what i really want to say mostly is a loud amen to your last paragraph and verse. thanks for sahring.
Thank you for sharing! Such a good post I need to ponder. Reminds me of the quote “Live for an Audience of One”
It’s what God thinks of you and being true to that and to yourself that really matters most. Its so hard not to want to defend the truth or make the truth known.
love this that you shared “I want to be strong. Strong in grace. Strong in mercy. Strong in love. It is OKAY to be misunderstood sometimes”
I really believe that one of the main differences that separates Christianity from all other beliefs is Love, Grace and Forgiveness.
This is such a good post, I very rarely confront, but entertain many thoughts as to why I could or would enjoy to. Same thing.
Such a great perspective and very well written!!
amen! such wise words here~
I think it depends on the situation and the circumstances. If it is not necessarily a sin issue then maybe it can be overlooked. Are we talking about a sin issue? Or something that my cause your brother to stumble? When I confront someone, I try to do it in love and humility, and my hope is that they repent. At least say “I am sorry.” Then you can forgive and forget. Move on. If they do not repent and you know them to be a confessed Christian then you go to the elders of the church, and disassociate yourselves from them. That is the Biblical way of dealing with offense I think according to the New Testament.
I came here on a rec, and I’m glad I did. “I want to be strong. Strong in grace. Strong in mercy. Strong in love. It is OKAY to be misunderstood sometimes.” Such Wise words- thank you for them, and finding your blog was a nice treat to my week!
Very.good.words.