October 1, 2012
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He WILL Come to Your Defense!
First thing: I am claustrophobic. Like really bad. If I had to guess the root, I would bet it was the numerous times I was held down for bone marrows and spinal tabs when I had Leukemia as a preschooler.
Second thing: Our whole family is going to missionary training school in January.
Okay now for the story: One morning while we were in Guatemala for our interview trip, we decided to get a real estate agent to show us some rent houses. She piled us into her small SUV. There were 8 of us in the vehicle. I was in the fold up back seat, squished between two people, with the seat in front of me pushing against my knees. I could immediately feel myself begin to panic. My chest was tight, I felt like crying, and I was trying to talk myself out of making a ridiculous scene. As we began the drive, the conversation started in the car around me, and I heard thru the fog of my “just held at bay” panic attack, that there would be an “activity” at the missionary training school where a bunch of people would be stuffed in a small, dark, under-ventilated room for an hour. The thought of going through that, while already at the verge of a nervous breakdown, was too much for me. I knew that I was going to have to do one of two things: start screaming to stop the car and let me out, or cry. As much as I HATE crying in front of people, I decided that was the best choice and started bawling my eyes. It was horrible. I wish I could press the delete button on those 15 minutes of my life.
Several weeks afterwards, I had a dream that I was at missionary training school and we were about to have to do THAT activity. I started begging the people in charge not to make me do it, and explaining to them how claustrophobic I was, and why I thought that I dealt with it so strongly. The people were very hateful, and made fun of me, and argued with me. Every once in awhile, though, they would stop and point to this man on the other side of the room and ask each other, “Do you know who that man is?” They would all shake their heads, shrug their shoulders, and then go back to taunting me. I was crying and pleading with them to please not make me do the activity, but the more upset I got, the harsher they became. The third time they stopped to ask about the man on the other side of the room, I turned around and caught his eye and asked him, “Are you here to help me?” He walked over, cupped my jaw with his hands, and said, “Yes, I have been sent here by the US embassy to help you.” (the US embassy part just proves I’m in the middle of adopting internationally) He then proceeded to tell my taunters that I would not be forced to do the activity. That for them to make me do it would be immoral, unethical, and now that he was there: it would be illegal. He told them that for me to get over my phobia, I needed to be under medical supervision, and that he was there to ensure that I would not be forced to do anything traumatic. The people backed down and walked away immediately. And then I woke up.
The most powerful part of my dream was the whole time my “advocate” was talking to my taunters, he was holding my face in his hands and looking at me with so much love. He never faced the others, he only looked at me. I knew when I woke up that my dream was from God. That it was His way of comforting me and promising to be my advocate and defender. While I felt such peace in my room, I also felt evil. I knew that there was real-life spiritual battle going on for my mind as I slept. But the peace won out, because I knew fully that God was and would be my protector and that He DOES have angels guarding me and ready to come to my defense.
No matter what situation you are in. No matter how scary it is. No matter how hopeless or dire. Even if you feel that you are about to suffocate or lose your mind, God is watching. God will step in. God will defend. God will advocate for you. And He will do it with so much love, it will blow your mind and make your heart melt in a puddle.
He is incredibly, unfathomably in love with you.
P.S. In my dream my “angel” was James Earl Jones.
Here is his picture. How cool is God for giving me a “face” for my angel.
Comments (5)
completely amazing! i love when people feel like they should share their sacred moments with God. this story is healing and encouraging to me.
” a face for your angel.” that gives me goosebumps. the holy kind.
way cool of God indeed. i agree with lisa ^^^. i love this story…and you have given me another “face” to the crowd who is underlining what HE is repeatedly telling me. He is my advocate and defender. thanks so much.
Soo needed this today. As I have experienced some emotions this past week that I didn’t know existed (NOT pretty ones), it is nice to know that God really has our back. Even when we don’t deserve it. Life hasn’t worked in the way I have wanted to. I have had my moments where I feel like a 2 year old throwing a fit and frusterated with God, wondering why I didn’t get my way. Then moments of shame wondering how I can be so ungrateful when God has clearly blessed me way beyond what I deserve. I feel like I am in a vicious cycle of failing God, and then begging for forgiveness. This morning, I was thinking “God must be tired of my crazy ways.” Then throughout the day, He has told me loud and clear through a song that won’t get out of my head that “His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me.” I don’t deserve Him, but it is true. His love NEVER fails..
what a cool dream and analogy for my life that no matter what happens God is there to protect and care for me.
I came here on a recommendation and was so blessed by you! Your realness, your heart for God, and your heart for the nations. I spent a few months in Antigua, Guatemala studying Spanish before I was married, so I was so interested in you going to Guatemala! That is such a special place to me! Blessings to you!