June 28, 2012

• Laid Hold Of

  I am a pastor’s wife. My husband is a youth and worship pastor, oh and the oversight for just about anything media-related. He has a lot on his plate. Although our pastor made it crystal clear from the time of our interview that there were no requirements for me; that I could be as involved or not involved as I wanted to be, I knew that I wanted to help Blake with the youth ministry from day 1. And I have loved it. I love my youth girls and I like the youth boys fine too.

  But after three years……I reached burn out today. Nothing huge happened. I am not mad at anyone. I was just DONE. I laid in the bathtub tonight and hollered to Blake in the other room: “I’m done with youth ministry. I will volunteer in the baby nursery twice a month.” And Blake hollers back, “You’re not quitting youth ministry.”

  And I sank down in the bath water to near drowning point with a “humph.”

  I stomped to bed a few minutes later……grumbling out loud about entitlement mentalities, and the futility of our incessant messages about living a life for something besides yourself…..
  plop myself in bed and go the the daily devotional for utmost.org because if there’s one thing I know….its that I could use a little “Come to Jesus meeting” about now….

  And lo and behold as if God had been watching my hissy fit it starts out with this paragraph…

  I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me —Philippians 3:12

  Never choose to be a worker for God, but once God has placed His call on you, woe be to you if you “turn aside to the right hand or to the left” (Deuteronomy 5:32). We are not here to work for God because we have chosen to do so, but because God has “laid hold of” us.

  And I sigh. And laugh although I don’t really find it very funny at all. I read it to Blake and he looks heavenward and says, “Tell her Lord.”

  And then my heart goes soft. And my mind stills. And my spirit grasps the beauty of this part of the verse:

  Christ Jesus has “laid hold of me.”

  He gave up his position, his life, his blood,

  Because He wanted to lay hold of me.

  I hear the echo of my complaints about entitlement mentalities and I am ashamed. I have a plank in my eye. Dare I follow God’s calling on my life only until it’s not fun anymore? Is this about me? Is ministry REALLY about choosing camp room assignments, planning trips and events, and keeping everybody happy….?

  Have I forgotten in my self pity that Jesus Christ is the center of everything? That it is out of the pleasure of being “laid hold of” by my Savior that I serve?

  In my plethora of frustrations, there is one thing that stands out the most. Frustration at myself. That I am not good enough. Not spiritual enough. Not mature enough. Too sensitive. Too easily swayed. Not confident. Not quick to forgive. 

  I fix my eyes back on Jesus. I tell Him I love Him. But the insecurity that I am not good enough still surrounds me like a current. And I think of Peter. How Jesus told Him to step out of the boat and walk to Him; even though it was impossible. But Peter did it. He wanted so badly to be “laid hold of ” by this man, Jesus, who had captured His affection and devotion, that he stepped out and started towards Him. Before long, however, he did the inevitable. He remembered the water under his feet, and he started to sink. Then the Bible says this:

  “Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

  That is the picture that will be in my head as I fall asleep tonight. They are the words that will sound in my heart:

  “Why did you doubt?”

  But I won’t feel condemned.

  I will feel “laid hold of”

  ……..by GOD.
  

  
  

  • 1:33 am
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